Two Deaths And A Second Chance
by Daughter of Necessity
Summary: So the weeks fell away and the months ran together and she decided that she could live like that, that she could cope with being hopeless...He wouldn't make the same mistakes again. And he hadn't. He had made different ones. Kakasaku Two-shot, M for Death
1. Broken Victory

Complete, nearly-unadulterated angst with a happy ending. Intrigued? Please continue.

Warning: Kakasaku. Don't like, don't read. All characters are well above legal age.

Disclaimer: I own about 60 billion ideas but not much else.

* * *

Sakura stood completely still as her heart shattered. She didn't move, didn't speak and didn't cry. She did none of those things because really... she wasn't surprised. She gave a small smile and then turned away, with no great haste-she didn't want to alarm anyone-and just as slowly walked away.

She didn't see his already droopy eye fall with sadness. She didn't her him whisper that she would thank him for it later.

Instead, Sakura concentrated on the simple movement of putting one foot in front of the other. It was comforting, the familiarity of it. And she tried to feel each individual muscle as it did its own small job in moving her forward. In this way the blocks between the bar and her apartment fell away, as she simply lived in the walking, always with that tiny smile on her face.

She barely noticed when she began to climb the stairs to her apartment, and was only roused from her meditative state by the sound of the door closing behind her. Sakura stood completely still for a moment to full appreciate the sharp pounding ache in her lungs that made each breath come out as more of a gasp. Well, what did she expect? She had left her heart in the middle of the dirty street somewhere, no wonder it was hard to breath. Dimly she acknowledged that she should, and probably could, heal the throbbing hole where her heart used to sit. But she just couldn't bring herself to make the effort. Who's silly idea was it to need a heart anyway? They were such fragile, breakable things: too much stress, a glancing hit, hell even an air bubble could destroy a human heart. What a useless contraption.

Sakura wasn't sure how she ended up on the floor and she wasn't sure when the tears had started, maybe they had been there all along, but she was just barely aware that her gasps of pain were transforming into choking sobs. And all the while her lips were twisted into a little smile. Because she had known, she had known all along that this was going to happen. It made sense that he would never feel anything for her. She always had been weak. She had called Naruto Dead-Last but really she was the one who always came up last, always needed looking after. So, when she heard, when she saw for herself that it was true. It made perfect sense.

Over the years she had heard of the Famous Rin, teammate to Kakashi and healer second only to Tsunade-and herself-but somehow seeing her, smiling and beautiful tucked under Kakashi's arm, made everything unbearably clear. Rin had loved him since she was a young girl, they had lived through death and war together. Now that she was back, Sakura knew what would happen next. He loved Rin, Rin loved him. She was unnecessary, repetitive even. After all, who would pick a crystal when they could have a diamond?

So, when she looked into his cool black eye with one arm slung casually over the _her_ shoulders the other dug deep into his pocket, when he had said those terrible words in that terrible nonchalant voice -'How could I forget? Rin, this is Sakura-san, my former student. Sakura-san, meet Rin.'- she wasn't really confused because it made perfect sense, she had expected it all along. So, why did it still hurt? Why was her first reflex to let that hurt and bewilderment show on her face? To ask him what he was talking about? After all it had been many years since she had been Sakura-san, his former student?

You would think that someone with hopes as low as Sakura's would never get disappointed.

But she did. She had wanted for Sasuke to love her back, but secretly she had known it would never happen. So why was she dismayed when it didn't? She had hoped that Naruto would stay after Sasuke left, because she needed him, she needed his warmth and his confidence that everything would work out in the end. But she had known that her need wasn't enough to keep him there. He was destined for greatness, after all-everyone she knew was-and she was always just plain old Sakura. And so Naruto left and she wasn't surprised but she was still hurt. She had dreamed that after training so hard for so long she would finally be able to stand beside her teammates as an equal, but that hadn't happened, would never happen because Sakura lacked that certain something, that spark of talent, of genius that her friends had. She had always known it and she was proven right, but there was no satisfaction in the victory, only pain. She had seen it all coming but yet was always surprised when it happened. And now this.

Sakura can't remember when she fell in love with Kakashi. Whether it was during those long years where they were the only two left behind. Or if it was later when he finally acknowledged that she had progressed far enough that he was proud to call her his student. Or maybe even after that when they had stopped being just teacher and student and also started to be friends. Either way, she had woken up one morning to the strange joyful sensation of loving someone completely. But Sakura was not the same naïve girl she was 8 years ago when she first joined Team 7. She did not doubt even in the farthest corner of her mind that Kakashi would never love her back. She was 14 years his junior and he still saw her as a child. She was fully aware that he thought of her at best as a friend and at worst as a daughter. That was alright, she was used to loving and not being loved in return, just now it was a little more quietly. So the weeks fell away and the months ran together and Sakura was happy in strange small ways, like how her heart lifted whenever she got a passing 'Yo' or how she smiled just a little bit wider when he deigned to come to one of the weekly team lunches. And she decided that she could live like that, that she could cope with being hopeless. But now as she lay curled up in a ball with blood still slowly seeping out between her ribcage and her lungs, she cursed him, and herself, and her hopes, and her pain, and everything about everyone because it wasn't supposed to hurt, because she had no hope for love and yet it was still a shock to see it with her own eyes. And most of all because there was no going back. There was no living through it, no grin and bare it, because it was too much, and she always had been the weak one.

When, three days later at the weekly team lunch, no one had seen Sakura, Kakashi looked at her teammates with dark regretful eyes and told them to give her time.

When, four days later, Sakura's landlady opened her apartment after complaints about the smell, she realized that Sakura was not breathing and screamed for the police just before fainting.

When, five days later, a team of medics stood before the grieving Hokage they told her that there was no cause of death, that it seemed as if she just stopped breathing.

When, ten days later, Sakura was placed in a beautifully carved wooden box lined with black satin, everyone placed a single pink sakura bloom into the open casket, and each person saw that tiny sad smile on her face.

When, two weeks later, Rin left town again, everyone said it was probably for the best.

When, six months later, Kakshi Hatake came back from his 328th unranked mission in a body-bag, no one was surprised because they all knew that he had been dead for months.

When, six years later, Hinata and Naruto brought their 5-year-old son to visit his 'Auntie Sakura' and 'Uncle Kashi' Naruto told him that there lay two people who loved each other so much it killed them, but that they were together now, and he knew they were happy.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Sakura sat on the sump in the old Team 7 training ground. She smiled at the man slowly loping towards her.

"Hey. What took you so long? You're late!" She said happily. Her former teacher just waved his hand airily.

"Oh, you know, I just got lost on the road of death." At this Sakura couldn't help but let out a surprised laugh.

"That was rather macabre, even for you Kakashi." He gave a eye crinkle but said nothing for a long moment.

"So how have you been, Sakura." And the way he said her name made her mouth turn upward into a small content smile so different from the one he had last seen on her face.

"You know? Not bad. Oh, and that saying about all life's questions being answered when you die? That's bullshit." Kakashi chuckled.

"Yeah, I noticed. But still, you seem a little more... at peace... than I expected." She shrugged.

"I don't think I was really cut out for life. It's too hectic, too competitive. Here, I'm not the weakest, because things like that are no longer measured." Kakashi stared at her for a long moment and finally nodded.

"I know what you mean. Life was more a chore than anything else. I stuck around just long enough to finally die in the line of duty but this was where I always wanted to be. And now you're here with me." He smiled and so did she.

"Don't sound so pleased. I'm sure you'll grow tired of me before eternity is over." She joked. He just kept grinning that unworried, peaceful grin.

"I'm not so sure."

* * *

You might be wondering how on earth this is going to be a two-shot. Well... the second part is a similar situation only from Kakashi's POV. Which I find very enjoyable indeed. I have a few doubts about this one, in-particular about its coherency. I only added Rin in the second draft, at first it was just Random Woman #362 but I thought that didn't seem very realistic. I hope this is better but I have my worries. Anyway, I hopped you liked it, please review with any thoughts/constructive criticism.

~Necessity


	2. Liberty Or Life

Please remember that this is a separate universe from the first Chapter, not just the exact same thing from Kakashi's POV. Apart from that please see Chapter 1's Author Notes.

* * *

Kakashi was numb, everything was numb. And he wondered if this was a good thing, because he knew he was dying, he could feel the life trickling out of him, but he was numb to the pain of it. He knew that he was filled with it, saturated with the overwhelming agony, but without actually feeling it, he just couldn't seem to make himself care. So he went about his duties, all the while leaving trails of blood, of gore, or everything that made him... him. But no one seemed to notice. He wasn't surprised, what was this mask good for except keeping people away, not letting them see him, who he was.

'_Well, it didn't do it's job now did it?_' whispered a voice that sounded like ice and stone, and only lived inside his head.

'_No, it didn't,_' he replied, wearily. It probably should have scared him that there were voices talking to him in his head. Or that, worse yet, he was _answering_ them. But it didn't, or maybe it did and he just couldn't feel it. He was beyond the point of feeling fear or alarm... or anything else for that matter. Because it was too much, and he had broken and he was already damaged.

And the voice was right, after-all. His trusted mask, which had done its job for so long, had failed him. Three little kids who each needed him in their own way had slowly torn it away, thread by thread, until he walked beside them with nothing but a smile to cover his lips. And he had been happy that way. For a short time he could almost see it, see in them a team so much like this one, only this time he would make it _right_; he wouldn't make the same mistakes again. And he hadn't. He had made different ones.

He had let Sasuke become obsessed with revenge. He had let Naruto be chased out of his own village by the threat of Akastuki and his own quest for strength. And Sakura... he had failed her worst of all. He had never stopped to think that she needed him just as much as the other two. She was always been the smart one, always the cool-headed one. But she was also the weakest one. She had never really _tried_ at anything but getting Sasuke, and so that was all he had seen: the lovesick girl who wasted what talent she had on a boy who would never look at her twice. In that way he had signed her off, put her in her own neat little box in his mind labeled 'Well Meaning Airheads Who Will Never Amount To Anything' and that was the end of that. Then he had heard,-"She can break you into a thousand pieces with just one punch." "Yeah, and then put you right back together again."-had seen with his own eyes exactly what she was capable of and for the longest time, he couldn't understand, couldn't accept, that this woman was the same silly, boy-crazy girl-child that he had met 7 years before.

And then it had happened. And he should have known, he should have seen it coming, he should have moved faster, thought faster, but he didn't and he hadn't and it was too late. And the Rasengan tore through her chest while the Chidori consumed her back, just as they nearly did so many years before, but this time he didn't, couldn't, step in-between them, couldn't save her. And with her last breath she didn't say anything, just smiled and very peacefully died, because she had finally proven herself: she had helped her friends and that was all she had ever really wanted.

Life had never been particularly kind to Kakashi but that second, when the life left Sakura's eyes, and the next, where he felt the crushing weight of knowledge mixed with grief, were the cruelest kind of trick for the universe to play. Because she had been his student, and she was dead. Because she has his friend, and she was dead. Because in that moment he knew that she was also the second woman that he had ever loved, and she was dead. They were both dead, and it was too much. Too much regret, too much heartbreak, to much feeling. And so he stopped. Stopped hurting, stopped feeling, stopped living.

So now Kakashi was numb. Because it was better to feel nothing at all. And he moved but didn't see where he was going. Spoke but didn't hear what was said. Ate but didn't taste any food. Just waiting for the time when this curse would leave him. When death would finally give up on its little game of cat and mouse and just take him away. Until then he would do his duty and talk to the voices in his head, and dream of sweet release.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

He knew he should go see Obito, or his father, or Rin, or Jiraiya, but he knew they would all forgive him. It wasn't like he was in any rush, but still he felt his pace speed up and heart begin to pound. And he reveled in it, in the anxious, churning feeling in his stomach because it was the first thing he had felt in years.

It had taken longer than he planed to die. Again and again he came so close to the end he sought just to have it plucked away from him. Towards the end he had almost begun to curse Tsunade for the many times that she herself had pulled him back from the brink. Each time he would return to consciousness just in time to hear her whisper in his ear.

"Not yet Kakashi. We still need you here." And he accepted that, because really what other choice did he have? He had long ago forgiven his father for his mistakes, but Kakashi still refused to take the road he took, because in his mind it was the easy way out. None of his friends had had the luxury of dying at their own hands, why should he? And so he continued, taking every S- or unranked mission he could get his hands on. And finally, after four years he had finally died, taking the Akatsuki Zetsu with him. And now he was here.

The land of the dead was exactly what he had expected. Was exactly what he had imagined almost constantly for the last 4 years. It looked just like Konoha, smelled, felt, probably tasted, just like Konoha. But it was completely different. Because in the land of the dead, it is not reality, but imagination that shapes the world around you. And Kakashi had imagined an empty Konoha, he had imagined an entire world with just him and her to inhabit it. But he could still feel other possible realities tugging on the edge of his vision. With little to no effort he could be surrounded by all the ones he had loved and lost. Soon, he would be, but not yet. First, he had something to do.

He knew where to find her. On a tiny red bridge across a tiny clear stream, a bridge that holds no real significance to anyone but the four members of Team 7. He knew where to find her, and there she was, sitting on the railing, feet dangling over the river. And he moved silently, but he knew she could hear him, feel him, in the same way that he had known where she was.

Neither of them spoke for the longest time. Finally, her clear voice split the quiet air.

"I'm not going to say that I'm glad you're here but...well, I'm glad you're here," she said, and he could here her smiling. He couldn't help but smile in return.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting," he replied. She exhaled in what was probably a tiny laugh.

"You did everything you could. I'm sure," she said wryly.

"What do you expect, when I knew what was waiting for me on the other side?" Quiet returned and Kakashi could feel the smile slip off her face.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi. I'm sorry I had to leave," she whispered. He leaned forward on the railing and looked over at her.

"I know, but I'm not. If you hadn't left who knows how long I would have ignored it." She glanced over at him, slightly surprised.

"I suppose you're right. Although I still would have preferred the alternative," she replied. Kakashi just gave his trademark shrug.

"What's passed is passed. It seems a little late for regrets." At that, her smile returned.

"I suppose you're right. After all, we have forever for 'what ifs,'" he turned to face her fully and gave her his most heart-warming eye-crinkle.

"I like the sound of that."

* * *

The End.

There you have it, two separate tales of death and second chances.

~Necessity


End file.
